Virtual Suicide

Ok so it got a bit nasty? You quit?

I had a talk with a friend the other day:

-How are you

-not that good
-one more of my friends have commited a “SL suicide”
-I hate those SL suiciders!

-Does that mean quit?

-delete avie yes, or just disappear

-SL suiciders are infamous in SL
-they are a special breed

So why dont people just take a break from Second Life or VR? Why do they feel they have to delete their avie too? Lots of different reasons of course, on a shallow level. The only reason that is acceptable to me is when u feel you have lost control like an alcoholic and needs to quit for that reason.  That I can maybee approve of. I can understand the desperation. (Like my last suicide friend who might turn up in another world now and then, if we are lucky…). Still, if the person has done this before, it looks more like a habit

If they keep staying away from VR/SL after quitting, it´s one thing. But, it´s far too easy to create a new avie. So why dont they leave the avie as it is and attend to the deeper problem behind this issue? Do they want attention? Do they crave a “fresh start” over and over again? Deal with it instead! Whatever “it” is. There are always friends and partners left behind that may be very hurt. I have had my share of “suiciders” in my friendlist and im tired sick of it I must admit. Some of my “suicide” friends almost got me to quit both inWorldz and Second Life. But im not a quitter so I bounced back. With a little (or a lot) help from my friends <3

Play with the idea that you treat your real life friends like this: -“OK you wont see me anymore from now. You were great but its time for me to move on to more interesting stuff, this is boring. Bye!” Think about that… Well I guess im not “real” enough so Im not worth while to compare *pinches my arm* -ouschie, that hurts!

The worst kind of suiciders are people that fix a nasty drama and then leaves their friends, partner and everything hanging in the air. You feel like rubbish someone has thrown away. But dont feel that way. These persons are cowards and attention whores. They are not worth mourning. Im sure they have a shitty RL too and if they could, they would act the same way irl. They just likes to take the easy way out and for this VR is ideal.

Guess what, we all mess up sometimes. Me too. But I stay put and fix my mess. In all worlds.

End of rant

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26 Comments to “Virtual Suicide”

  1. I couldn’t agree with you more. Last night, I had the sad task of organising and hosting a memorial service for a well-liked and loyal guest of the club I manage. He died of cancer in late December. There were about a dozen of us who showed up to pay our respects, hear a poem read out, and reflect on those we’ve lost in a moment of silence. It was one of the most moving experiences I’ve had in SL – and it affected me more than I ever would have expected. I think, if more people were to honour those that have passed in this way, they’d think twice about taking the easy way out, and leaving a void in our virtual lives with their choice to delete their avis without a word. I can appreciate those who need to take a break, or even decide to leave all together, but to leave without saying goodbye, when you have a choice? That’s just selfish and unkind. It’s a slap in the face to those who have cared about you with feelings that are no less real just because they exist through via fingertips on a keyboard. Great message here Mera, I hope it’s well shared and well read.

  2. Thanks a lot Becky, I had to let some steam out. I too had a friend here who died some years ago. It was extremely sad as he was very young also :`( He has a memory stone beside a church in SL and I have visited that place several times. I agree with you, ppl who runs away like this should maybee attend a memorial like that. But I dont know if they would care. I think they are so self centered so they cant grasp it fully.

    Even it the suiciders leaves a little “suicide note” and says good bye its still very hard if its someone I have talked to every day for a long time. Its hurtful to loose all contact abruptly like that… Its too common in virtual worlds, I wish those “players” who doesnt take virtual reality serious could refrain from making close friends and partnering.

    I also understand if someone needs a break. But if its a friend its not easy to loose contact totally like that. If i was to take a break I would leave my avie so my friends could IM me if they wanted. Or give them an email adress if they preferred that. it is a matter of course for me.

    Hugsss

  3. I know it’s hard Mera but you have to be just a little skeptical about people you meet on line simply because it is unlikely you will ever meet them in the flesh. One or two you might if a serious relationship develops but for most you will only ever know them as chat room text typists or puppet avatar in virtual environments. The person on the other end is experiencing the same and given that we each can anonymously portray ourselves in any guise we choose you should never be surprised by what people might do. It’s like people who get in a car and feel invincible behind the wheel, or at least they feel they can do as they please no matter who it hurts. But then this is all about social responsibility and, like you said, it takes very little effort to drop out of virtual worlds with a few pleasant words to the people you had some attachment with. A lot do the suicide thing. It’s cowardly and unkind to their closest friends because they are left not knowing if it was a real life suicide or a fake virtual cop out. Rest assured Mera, most are fake.

    I have been around role playing in chat rooms and virtual worlds for all of 12 years now and I have met some highly imaginative people but I have lost count of the suicides or people that simply stopped speaking to me and disappeared off the radar. It makes you cynical but the trick is to be able to weather these things and still keep to your own values. It hurts but it is never your fault if you knew you was there for them as a friend. You simply have different values.

    Gaga *hugs*

    • @Gaga; you are right of course <3 But they need some serious spanking :)

      Seriosly I think in the future we will be more used to have virtual friends and look at them as "real life" friends. Even if we never met them "in flesh". So, as you said, we need to talk about social responsibility here. I have some VR friends I can trust not to disappear, im sure of that <3

  4. My apologies Mera on not letting you know in advance about my being gone for sometime. In my defense I don’t view what I did as “cowardly” though. I had an increasing stress levels on both sides of the screen to a point to where I pretty much literally couldn’t bring myself to log in and had to retreat and regroup. I had a choice. Either drop out immediately and regroup and get some things straightened out in my life or lose it entirely and not return for even longer. If my vanishing for some time bothered you for that I apologize. During my absence I had one person e-mail me. One. To ask me how I was doing. There were several who had my e-mail address and didn’t do so. Likewise, I also twitter and the same person who e-mailed me also sent a PM to me asking me how I was doing. When a person whom you consider a friend vanishes have you considered trying to contact that person? Have you done so?
    Something else in my defense when I decided that it was right for me to return (after much rebuilding and straightening out of myself) I also blogged about where I had gone and why. The replies confirmed to me that yes, people cared and that helped convince me to return and that I was missed and that was appreciated. That reason, the affirmation that I was missed was THE biggest reason that I returned.

    I’ll pass on the spanking though. (chuckle)

    • Oh my Des! No worries!! We are friends but not that close that we talk almost every day. Im not stalking everyone on my friendlist this hard :O)
      I was mostly talking about very very close friends and partners here. Ppl you have bonded quite hard with. I know ppl take a break now and then and you were still on my friendlist and your blog was online so I didnt worry. hugsss <3<3<3

  5. When I started reading your topic I felt like I couldn’t relate as it’s not really something I’ve talked about – people just deleting from SL, so called “suiciders” – and I felt like I’d not experienced it… only on a social network site I participate in where there have been a number of noticable deleters and those that come back after a week or so, because it’s just so easy to do that… with the latter they generally get called attention-seekers.

    But reading on and thinking a little more I realise I have experienced this in SL too. I’ve had a few friends that seemed to have just stopped coming online and it leaves me wondering how they are. I respect those that make a stand and focus on their RL, I think that’s important because people can become very drawn into SL, almost lost in a way, but to leave in silence, not say a word to me at least, to treat people like they were nothing when they considered them as real a friend as any… I usually give it a while and then send them an offline message asking how they are – I would like the same if I was ever in the “no one cares about me” state of mind. But it’s a shame when they don’t consider you a friend enough to tell you they are leaving or having some time out in the first place.

    I agree with dealing with the issues. I’ve had a friend who’s had a number of avi’s in the time that I’ve known her, for various reasons. But I think it boils down to things “messing up” and them wanting a fresh start… only to go through the same phases all over again – the issues develop due to something within, not with-out. For me I intend to stick to the same avi, it represents me and any issues I experience I intend to work through – openness and honesty are important to me and are a way of dealing with the any troubles experienced. I’ve also had a friend tell me they were leaving, delete their friends, only to be seen online a week later – that hurts – if I don’t want to be friends with someone any more (I’ve had a couple of people that I haven’t got on well with after a while) then I tell them straight, as polite as possible, I deal with it swiftly so all can move on.

    Treat others how you want to be treated, and perhaps treat SL more like RL and give yourself only one.

    • BMHonline; I think you nailed it; “But I think it boils down to things “messing up” and them wanting a fresh start… only to go through the same phases all over again – the issues develop due to something within, not with-out.”

      I agree, a lot of them suiciders seem to want to do this over and over again. They crave to finish stuff and then start over again. As they cant do irl quite as easy. Repeating the same mistake over and over again. Pushing the button “delete” gives them a feeling of power over their lifes? Or releaving steam inside them? Their problem is elsewhere. They dont deal with it, they just self medicate in virtual worlds.

      I agree, treat SL more like RL and take more responsibility for your own actions, thats what it boils down to as you say. If it was that easy?

  6. aww…. ok. I guess I took the commentary a trifle personally. I admit that after I posted the comment I was kinda worried about what your reply to it was gonna be. I didn’t mean to sound like i was ranting or anything like that and for that I apologize. I may have misunderstood a little bit and kinda took it personally.

    Take care and thanks for understanding.

    • Des; but we did discuss it several times I admit that. Leanna and I missed you and wondered where u were =)

      • If I may ask a question then and I mean no insult. In my post about my return. If you read it. Why didn’t you comment? To let me know that you had even read it?

        • I talked to you in world and in Twitter so I just forgot to comment. I also get a lot of my “comments” to my blog in Twitter actually but also as im in world. That´s how it is, IfI have talked to someone already and “commented” I guess I forgot the formal comment in the blog xxxxx

          • I have some severe memory problems I guess. This indeed maybe indicative of my symptoms that I go through on a daily basis. I have often major problems remembering 24 hours ago let alone that far back. I had forgotten that we had talked inworld. No problems then. There are a lot of gaps in my memory at times and I have a tendency to repeat things when talking to my friends in RL which unfortunately drives my friends crazy at times. I have a tendency to forget twitters mainly because of how often they occur and I sort of live moment to moment in twitter. I figure the only real permanent clues that I have about convos is often blog commentaries. I have no idea (other than commentaries) who reads it otherwise.

            It’s kinda scarey really at times about that.

            • Des; I cant say my memory is flawless either. And I should have commented, normally, as I value comments in blogs a lot cos of, as you said, they are permanent. Twitter rolls so fast and Ims are gone the next second :)

              • I likewise value comments in blogs for I guess several reasons. It lets me know that people read what I posted and cared enough to comment about it. It’s permanent, I can look back at something months later and go “Hey! I remember that one! That turned into a nice discussion (like this one is)”. I enjoy looking at some of them in the past and it helps me remember what was going through my head when I posted something as well emotionally. To be honest, it’s kinda boring at times reading what YOU wrote. It’s a lot more fun (and fulfilling) to read others reactions to it. (chuckle)

                For me blogging (mine is the first one I’ve ever done) is something relatively new and each comment is usually (with the exception of a couple of spam attempts) something to be treasured and something that makes me go “All right! Someone said something! Let’s see what they said!” Think of it as a “New kid” mentality I posses I guess.

                • What I mean by what You wrote, i’m not talking about You Mera, I’m talking about reading my own blogs as the blogger.

                  (Sheesh! I just realized that you could take that so very wrong) i should have been more clear.

  7. Sorry, that comment just now was directed towards Mera.

    • I feel exactly like that Des, even if I have been blogging for years (counting irl). The comments makes the blog and I treasure each and everyone of them. Thats why I always answers them. Im so thankful that people takes their time to comment my posting <3

      • Hmm, that does give me an idea as far a future post though. Comments and how important are they to the individual blogger? Of course a disclaimer in front of it to make sure that the post isn’t designed to GET comments but to discuss them.

        Or if you wish feel free to take the ball and run with it.

        Gotta head out and get grocerys or else I’ll sit here and keep replying until I get too hungry to think.

        • LOL Des! I did understand that “you” wasnt pointing at me =)) Yesh good idea for a posting and eat now before ppl tells us “get a room” due to our “chatter” here ;)

  8. I would not think it is a suicide but another oportunity that you have. Last time I erased one another account I had because I didn’t use it anymore but also I have much fun with this one. It is not a suicide but I would say another oportunity to drop something you don’t use anymore!

  9. Xpontaneous; you are right. we need to throw away old stuff we dont use. Me too actually, my old alt. I only keep her for sentimental reasons :) But that is quite different from erasing your main avie and all your connection with your friends xxx

  10. I totally agree Mera. I’ve been there, just wanted to leave and maybe try a fresh start. about once a year in fact. but i have come to learn that this is who i am as long as i’m in SL. As for jsut needed to walk away, like the alcholoic thang, yeah, i agree with that too. nice work

  11. That’s what i do. Many players RAGE QUIT over drama in game. I try my best not to get to involved in the virtual BS. Though often it’s RL stress that leads my SL burnout. At most i’ve taken a month off of SL, but lately it’s about a week. Somewhat depends on my level of SL Burnout is and/or whatever else might be occupying my time (say something like Skyrim).

    You know most people who quit game will just create a new avatar and start over after they cooled off. I’ve invested way too much in my avatar for the past 8 years to just up and quit. But taking a break for a week or so is the way to go.

    • @Hugsie; I agree, that´s the way to go. Totally ok in my world. You dont delete any avie or anything. Everyone needs a break now and then.A short break is better than to quit. Especially when you have a valuable inventory as you have =)

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